What Happened to the Blog?
I just...stopped. No good reason. Just couldn't handle it. And then I got embarrassed about not visiting it, and then REALLY started ignoring it, this time out of guilt. Very healthy, huh?
I just...stopped. No good reason. Just couldn't handle it. And then I got embarrassed about not visiting it, and then REALLY started ignoring it, this time out of guilt. Very healthy, huh?
For you? I have no idea. And, by the way, sport, that's a weird way to pose the question.
I get this all the time, though. Since chronicling our own move out of the typical American 501-c-3 church structure, a lot of people have posed the question this way. It's a way of saying, a) yes, your fundamental critique may be right, but b) you're throwing the baby out with the bathwater.
Or, perhaps, it's another way of saying, a) yes, your critique may be right, but b) I don't know any like-minded people around here, and I can't just go sailing off by myself.
Or, perhaps, it's another way of saying, a) yes, your critique may be right, but b) I went to Bible College, okay? What the heck else am I supposed to do for a living?
Or, perhaps, it's another way of saying, a) yes, your critique may be right, but b) I've already staked out my position on this, so now I'm committed to defending it.
Of course, there are those (many) who say, a) your critique is totally jacked, this system is the one God gave us, by golly, and b) you're an idiot, and c) shut up, and d) seriously, you're an idiot. This is a popular option, but these people usually aren't asking FAQ #24.
So, what should you do? Stick it out? Try to change things from the inside? Occasionally ask a question here and there, rock a boat here and there, slowly press for change?
Like I say, I don't know. I can't speak to your particular situation. I wish I could; this blog entry would be a lot more interesting. But one-size-fits-all thinking is, in part, what got us into this expensive mess.
Alan Hirsch and Michael Frost wrote a brilliant new book, ReJesus. (You should buy it and read it. I can make that categorical statement.) They say the church needs a serious "reboot", to re-align the software (all our church trappings) with the hardware (Jesus). Jesus' values, Jesus' priorities, Jesus' teachings.
By advocating for that, they're advocating for radical change, and I'll bet you know it, too. So here's one way you might look at it: Will that radical change happen without people like me making a radical change?
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None of this, of course, applies if you object to the very idea of leaving church-as-we've-made-it. If you see "preaching", Biblically, as a sermon delivered each week to roughly the same audience by the same guy in the same building, and you regard this as an essential, or a near sacrament, you are not going to pose the question. And I respect your opinion, even as I don't hold it. (I heard a very popular preacher the other day say, on the radio, "When someone causes you to doubt or question, you get away from them, and get into the House of the Lord. I know I need to do that, because I need a talented man of the pulpit to help me understand, and...")
You may be a person, like this Talented Man of the Pulpit, who really needs, who must have, a Talented Man of the Pulpit. In which case, you've likely stopped reading this blog. You may think his sprawling campus is the House of the Lord, too, in which case, you've likely stopped reading this blog.
Here's another consideration: The original question reveals something horribly wrong. By abandoning a particular institutional conception of church, you are not abandoning the church. It's an insidious idea that begs the very question.
Now, for you, it might ultimately mean that you WILL wind up leaving the church -- the people called out by God for his purposes -- but that's a different issue. Simply put: You may not be able to deal with the freedom. Freedom is wonderful, and just like most wonderful things, like, say, sex and the strong force in an atom's nucleus, it's also dangerous.
You may need someone to tell you exactly how much to give, and exactly to whom. You may need someone to draw up a chart of the Eight Things a Disciple Must Be Doing. You may need the busy-ness that comes from meetings, and meetings that plan meetings. You may not know how to live without it. (I've heard it before: "Well, then -- what do you do?) You may not ever be able to break from something your parents did. You may need to be able to easily explain you're a "real Christian" by saying, "Here's where I go to church."
There's other stuff you may need. You may need to feel more occupied on Sunday mornings. You may need help being told what to study. You may need to avoid the disapproval of those who will judge you for what you're doing. You may need the significance that comes from your social standing in that particular group.
You may, if you're a musician or speaker, need a crowd.
If these are things you need, deep down, leaving a particular 501c3 organization may, in fact, ultimately result in leaving the real church.
Oddly, while we can worry about that, I'm more worried about the people currently well-plugged-in to American Church Life who have no role -- who've been trained to have no role -- in the church of Jesus. They left the church, and are busy members in good standing.
Anyway, I can't answer the question for you. If I were a career pastor, or lived in a small town, or -- any number of possibilities -- I, frankly, doubt we'd have made the move we made. I don't know that we could have done it.
It's been a wonderful thing, opting out, and a blessed thing. But I can't say, for everyone, everywhere, it's the thing.
I'm torn on the big Illinois vs. Gonzaga game today. I'm a very big Illinois fan, an alum who says, "Go Illini!"
I'm picking Illinois, but I think it will be a close one! When I look at the matchups, I can't help but think we'll miss the injured Chester Frazier, who's an excellent defender.
Still I'm a big, big fan, and maybe I look through the world with rose-colored glasses, but I see us out-battling them on the offensive boards, and creating turnovers in our half-court defense!
(I'm glad this game is earlier than the last one against lowly Western Kentucky, because I couldn't stay up to watch it!)
It's the NCAA tournament, so it's a BIG game! A loss would break my heart and could send me into a real psycho-emotional tailspin!
Illinois 63
Gonzaga 56
3/18/09
Dear President Obama,
How are you? I am fine.
I wanted to get back to you about those interviews you requested awhile back. Like I said, I was pretty much full-up busy when you called. I already had interviews set up with the Whistling Champion and "Mr. Pets".
And I'm sorry I couldn't quite make out what your name was. I did catch the "I'm going to run for Senator," part, but wasn't even sure what party back then!
Anyway, I was reminded you'd requested an interview on my show when I saw you on T.V. I looked up and saw you on this screen, and saw you standing there with a nice suit on, and I think your wife was there, too, and -- yeah, I'm picturing it now -- I think you were being sworn in as President of the United States.
So, like, when do you want to do the interview? I'm pretty flexible now.
Sincerely,
Brant Hansen
Radio Host
P.S. -- I "hope" we can talk soon! -- That's a little reference to your campaign slogan-thing! I "hope" you liked that! :) :) :)
P.P.S. -- I can't do it on Wednesdays. We have a staff meeting. And please not after 1 p.m., because that's when I like to go home for the day and maybe go swimming. Thanks!
I'm in a tremendous amount of pain. I've had time to blog, but hurt so bad, I couldn't.
Thing is, the standard operating procedure would be to write about what's causing it, and make some jokes and stuff, and tell the story. Only...I don't think I can, because it's so embarrassingly gross.
How embarrassingly gross? Whatever gross thing you've ever had? 100 times grosser. I *wish* I had that gross thing you had.
So embarrassingly gross, I, Brant Hansen, don't want to tell you. And that's bad. Remember, I'm the guy with an almost pathological need to expose every dumb thing he's ever done, every stupid thing that's ever happened, every foible and quirk. And I'd love to make jokes about this, but...I...can't.
No, wait. Maybe I can. I'm thinking about it. (This is a real-time type blog entry you're getting here. I'm typing out loud...) Mulling this over...
I can. But -- but after I joked about it, everyone else would think they have license to joke about it, too. And actually, now that I think about it, that might be funny. I'd be okay with that.
But then there would be other people so grossed out, they'd honestly be disturbed.
-- but I like disturbing people!
-- but not that way. I like "disturbing" as in inducing cognitive dissonance, not, you know, actual vomit.
But people are going to start guessing in their minds, anyway. And then they'll eventually imagine all sorts of gross things about me.
But, whatever they imagine that gross thing is? It's not as gross as what I've got. They can only draw from their own experiences, and whatever gross thing they had -- it's 20 times grosser. It's like all the disturbing dead-people scenes from "C.S.I.", rolled into one, except I'm alive and moving around and blogging.
So, no, I'm not saying.
How about that Albert Pujols?
Dear Female-Type Human People,
We know you have a lot to worry about. Please take one thing off your list: Nobody cares about your dumb arms.
We guys don't, I mean. I'm sorry. We don't think Michelle Obama's arms are "sexy", because we don't think anyone's arms are sexy. We don't say "sexy" very much, and never once have we paired the word with "arms".
I am a guy. And I've hung out with a lot of guys. Sometimes, I've heard females talked about. Never once -- not once! -- has it been about her arms. Not positively, not negatively -- just not at all.
Your arms do not, generally, cause us to stumble. Further, I don't think arms are mentioned in Song of Solomon, and there's some pretty strange stuff in there. Maybe they ARE mentioned, but that would just prove how bizarre Song of Solomon is.
Oh, we love arms -- just not your arms. Our own arms. Our own arms are pretty awesome. We do not want tickets to YOUR gun show. We ask you if you want tickets to our gun show. Our gun show is sexy.
We recognize society puts a lot of expectations on you, and we're part of that. So allow us to share with you: We don't care about your dumb arms.
Sincerely,
Us Guys
(I should note, for those unfamiliar: My current job is as a syndicated morning radio host on a Christian radio network.)
Dan Kimball wrote this book They Like Jesus But Not the Church. Or something like that. It's a great book.
I mean, I suspect it is. I haven't read it. I don't think I need to. I get it: People outside the church think Christians are judgmental, simplistic, etc. etc. Got it. But Jesus? He's challenging, revolutionary, fascinating, insightful, mind-blowing, mysterious.
After working in both mainstream and Christian radio, I think I'm ready to write my own book about the many I encounter: They Like Church But Not Jesus.
I mean it. I wrote before: Based on my observation, Jesus is simply not the most influential guy around. I've seen it over, and over, and over. In fact, I'd say it's a theme at my job: People just aren't that into Jesus. He ticks people off.
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I've been corrected many times by Christians -- after reading something Jesus actually said. They don't like it. I'm serious. "You know, all the commandments can be summed up with love the Lord your God with all your heart, and mind, and soul, and strength, and love your neighbor as yourself. Jesus said that, and..."
Ringing phones. "Hello?"
"You forgot one: Evangelize."
Jesus stands corrected.
Ring.
"Well, it's not quite that simple, you see, because..."
No, no. It can't be that simple. Not here.
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You see, we actually talk about Jesus quite a bit on the show. In fact -- and I've been around a bit, including doing mornings at the single most-listened-to CCM station in the country -- and I've never, ever heard a show that talks more about Jesus. We do some bizarre stuff, too (like my award-winning game "Is My Head in a Case?" or playing "Rapper's Delight" in German, etc.) but we talk about Jesus more than any music show I've ever heard.
(Not bragging here. I just think we're doing something kind of experimental. If you're in Christian radio, reading this, and you're doing the same thing -- that's cool. I just don't get out much.)
So more Jesus...but less Christian? How can this be?
I'll connect the dots for me: The things Jesus said, the way of life he gave us, his themes and priorites -- they're simply don't seem very Christian.
If we were to sprinkle in some more hey-I'm-on-your-team-here insider terms, or talk about how America is under attack by (you name it) or just stick to quoting Paul, even -- problem solved. Now it's Christian. Jesus? Mmm -- not so much.
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I know you think I may be exaggerating. I'm not. Not in the least. Today, I read where Jesus told us that when we're praying, we shouldn't babble on "like the pagans do".
I got three very Christian emails of protest, citing scripture to rebut Jesus.
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No big deal, but -- so you know -- it happens again and again. This is where my "If Jesus Had a Blog" stuff comes from, by the way. Real conversations with learned Christians, and real objections to stuff Jesus said.
People do love the Bible. But not the Gospels. They quote Biblical stuff to me all the time, but it's not ever stuff Jesus said.
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I can't tell you how thankful I am for my job. Ironically -- and all of us here love irony -- I effectively killed my ambition a couple years ago, and since, my platform has grown. It happened immediately after I stopped caring.
I can't believe how understanding my bosses have been. Those of you who are understandably down on Christian radio would be heartened by some of what transpires where I work.
And we get a remarkable number of emails/facebook messages/texts from people who say, "I have never thought about Jesus this way before. Thank you." It can bring tears to a guy's eyes. I wish those people called more on the phone, to be honest, but most people will never call a radio station and talk to an on-air "personality", especially when his head is in a case.
So that's just it. You've got "How can he say that?" on one side, and "I've never thought about Jesus like this before," on another, and there's quite a bit of both, and hundreds of thousands of listeners, and -- I just think something's going to happen. Maybe I'm nuts.
We've had conversations that, I'm quite sure, have never been held on Christian radio before. Sometimes, several of them a day.
The scary part is: I think some people are starting to get it. How long can that continue?
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I have to pray every day for God to help me love these people, the frustrating ones, the Christians bugged by Jesus-talk. I've told my wife, and a few friends, that eventually they will come for me. If I keep talking about Jesus, and keep probing the stuff he said, they're going to come for me. I'm only half-joking.
I'm not worried about the A.C.L.U. It'll be religious leaders. I think there's precedent for that.
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Please pray for me. I'm not writing this because I'm desperate, or there's anything new here. I just take my job very seriously. It matters a LOT to me what people think of Jesus. At the same time, I always have my own stupid concerns about me.
I want to do great radio, not great Christian radio.
And I want to convey how remarkable Jesus is. How smart he is. How he understands our nature. How infuriating he can be to those in power. I want to subvert a culture that turns the church into an incredibly expensive and remarkably harmless spectator sport. I want people to understand how revolutionary the love of Jesus is.
I don't want to preach at them. I want to be a friend. Doing this is really, really hard. I know your job is hard, too. Thing is, my job has an interesting, seeming, paradox: If I focus a lot on Jesus, I'm going to upset a lot of Christians.
I may not have put any of this very well, but please pray for me.
From the Not-That-Anyone-Else-Cares-But-I'll-Remember-It File:
This afternoon, I some guys playing on a practice diamond in our neighborhood. So I walked over and, for about ten minutes, stood behind the backstop. I leaned on the fence, and watched a few guys take turns.
I recognized them. They were Jose Reyes, then David Ortiz, then Alex Rodriguez. Then Hanley Ramirez walked up, but I wanted to go home and take a nap, so I did.
We went to the open house for the Scripps Institute, now open next to Kamp Krusty. And we answered some science-y questions, and we won our own lab coats.
Have you won lab coats? Answer: No. Have your children? No.
("Oh, but Brant, I don't have any kids, so -- " Whatever. Point is, when you do have them, they won't win lab coats.)
("Oh, but Brant, I am a scientist or doctor, and I have my own lab coat, so -- " Whatever. You didn't "win" it. You just went to school for an extra 12 years without getting kicked out. Ooh. Big man. Congrats.)
We won lab coats.
I was a full-time "youth minister" for about four years. I remember some good times, sure, but I also remember that every time we left the church building, we were beaten senseless. All of us -- students, sponsors, interns, meddling parents -- everyone.
If I only had this. (Thanks, Mike C., for the link.)
In retrospect, rather than watch my entire youth group being repeatedly attacked every time we left the building, I should have put my hands on my head and started swinging my elbows around. But hindsight is always 20/20.
The youth minister in the video with the dreads nails it: You do not know what's going to happen to you when you venture outside the four walls of the church. It's CRAZY out there.
I programmed a lot of programs, and each time we left the building, we were all, without exception, given a beat-down. To this day, when someone says, "Polaroid Scavenger Hunt", I shudder, and am haunted by those...those pictures.
There's a reason we did a lot of lock-ins, folks.
Like the guy says, noting the oft-quoted scripture, "Just because you're a Christian doesn't mean you have to get stomped on." I wish I would've thought about that. And he says you have to take responsibility for your flock.
People are brutal out there. Wow. I learned that lesson in a hard, albeit acrobatically-spectacular way, during our big "ChinaTown Outreach '97".
Be careful when you leave the four walls of church. Maybe just don't.
Jupiter, FL -- A 39 year-old, white, American male really likes the new U2 album, "No Line on the Horizon".
Apparently, according to Brant Hansen, the album features some "soaring, chime-y guitars" and anthemic choruses.
He likes that.
Again.
"Yep, it's pretty awesome...again," he says. "I can't help it. I'm sorry."
Hansen listened to the whole awesome album, and read all the awesome lyrics. It turns out, on this album, U2 uses a lot of allusions to Jesus-centered spirituality.
"I really like 'Magnificent', in particular, lyrically. But there's a LOT of good stuff here. Bono does say the word 'shitty' once, but he's Irish, so it's okay, because in Ireland, it just means 'crappy', which just means, 'poopy', if you think about it."
"I really, really like it. I predict it will sell millions of copies, not get played on Christian radio, and 'worship bands' will do 'special music' numbers with the songs. That's what I predict."
When asked if he would listen to it repeatedly for the next 20 years, drive it into the ground for everyone around him, learn the songs on guitar, sing them all with annoying not-quite-Bono affectations, and pretty much find all other bands inferior, forever, he replied, "That is my plan."
This U2 album comes with pictures, including several of the band not looking at the camera.
I don't like it when people water down the Truth. I'm always on the lookout for that. I kind of see that as my role. It's kind of a cool role. Even kinda manly.
Anyway, I was in "Books-a-Million" yesterday. They some Bibles there. And Bible covers. One was leather, with "NFL" on it, and laces on the spine. That was kinda cool, because it would kinda look like you were carrying a football, but you really had a Bible.
"Books-a-Million" is a Non-Christian Bookstore, which means you have to use extra discernment (TM) in there.
Case in point: There's this "John MacArthur Study Bible". I don't know much about John MacArthur, but apparently, he likes to kinda dilute stuff. I flipped open to Matthew 23, where, as everyone knows, Jesus climbs the turnbuckles, and goes off the top rope onto the religious teachers who thought they were big stuff. Or, at least, that's what I thought:
But do not do what they do, for they do not practice what they preach. They tie up heavy loads and put them on men's shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them.
MacArthur says that doesn't really catch it, though. Jesus really meant that religious teachers shouldn't tie up loads that aren't Bible-based and put them on people's backs. Biblical loads? Go ahead.
So I guess Jesus wasn't so rad after all. He was just saying they were putting the wrong loads on people. Bible-centered weights? Well, hey, you need those, and that's what we teachers are for, I reckon.
Then Jesus says this:
Nor are you to be called 'teacher,' for you have one Teacher, the Christ. The greatest among you will be your servant.
Or...not. This feller MacArthur lets us know that what Jesus really meant, here, is that you can look at a guy as your "Teacher", and yeah, in fact, you really probably actually should. Jesus wasn't some wild man, folks.
Which stinks for me, because I kinda like Jesus as wild man.
Then I flip to where Paul is writing about the "terror of the Lord" -- "phobos", which means like, "terror" -- and MacArthur says to chill: Paul really means don't get all, you know, phobic. Just have a big-time respect for God.
Okay, but...it's just kinda...wimpy.
Anyway, maybe the rest of it is awesome, but I put it down after a couple minutes. And I saw they had a Thomas Kinkade mug-thing seemingly just like the one at the Christian bookstore.
I don't want to criticize this fellow's Study Bible. Everybody has a God-given right, in this country, by golly, to write their own Study Bible, and I will defend that right -- the one to write a Study Bible -- to the death. I just don't think people should water down the Truth. They shouldn't make it less dangerous, or less scandalous, or less offensive, or less shocking. Or less bold. Or -- you know-- less manly. I'm not saying he' s a false teacher, but beware false teachers.
That's my opinion.
I heard about this recently: A church staffer had signed a non-compete agreement with a church, then wanted to leave for another one within the proscribed radius. (He wasn't supposed to leave for a position at another church within a 30 mile radius, I believe. Apparently, this is pretty standard fare for church non-competes.)
Now, some might say, "A NON-COMPETE AGREEMENT IN A CHURCH STAFF CONTRACT???" and wonder what in the hellck has happened to us. But I'm way past that. I'm told you've got to accept this is the way some churches operate, and they do a lot of good, and plus we shouldn't criticize, and you know, what if someone on staff leaves and it takes people away? and so forth.
Right on. Now that I think about it, and get past my wild, idealistic, primitivist "Why-are-we-doing-this?" impluses, I can see why. It just makes sense:
1) Non-competes are very common. Businesses simply have to protect themselves.
2) Churches could lose clients to competing churches. Until churches sign clients to binding contracts, a la, a gym membership, clients are free agents, and able to avail themselves of the products and services marketed by churches in competition.
Today's church consumers are fickle.
3) Loss of clients could result in a decline in revenue streams to the church/business. This would emperil revenue growth, physical plant expansion, marketing, and ultimately, profit.
4) Churches must protect what, legally, are termed "trade secrets". These are key processes, methods, or devices that have previously given a business a competitive advantage.
A staff member could leave a successful church for a competing church, and divulge secrets that may help the new church lure customers -- perhaps even key, revenue-producing clients -- away from the original business. This could result in "pirating".
This is important, because in a given market area, there is a very limited number of people in the target, middle-to-upper-class demographic who might be attracted to churches selling virtually the same worship experience, services and products for youth, support groups, etc. Each customer unit, then, is vital to revenue growth.
5) Customers "imprint" upon certain employees. Not all church clients are able to develop one-on-one relationships with the CEO/face of the organization. Like all other businesses, churches need to recognize the threat of another competing church being founded by departing employees/production units.
Employees/Career Christians/Brothers in Christ will often invoke religious "calling" terminology to justify this, which is all the more reason to spell out, contractually, that "God" will not be "calling you" to a ministry within 30 miles.
God's signature, or other involvement, is not required.
(NRB story continued, since I just got the picture from my friend, Matt)
...and that's how I fulfilled a life-long dream of getting kicked off TBN, because after Paul Crouch magically appeared with entourage, he instructed Jesus, a camel, George W., Sarah Palin, and some Roman guards, and some other guy to gather 'round, and he started interviewing everybody, and I stayed in the shot, nodding knowingly, "Of course...of course...", stroking my chin, until a producer noticed me and told me to leave.
There have been a lot of reviews of The Shack.
As far as the decidedly negative ones go, this is by far the most coherent I've read.
Truth is truth.
(HT: Doug Hannah)
Okay. This is a spreading deal. So, let me follow this...
Premise 1) Churches should teach about sex
Premise 2) Sex sometimes involves sex toys
Premise 3) Church teaching = a guy standing in front of relative strangers in a large lecture environment
Ergo, churches should have a guy standing in front of relative strangers, in a large lecture evironment, talking about sex toys
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Or, maybe:
1) Sex positions are relevant
2) Churches must try -- somehow! -- to be relevant
3) Church teaching = a guy standing in front of relative strangers, in a large lecture environment
Ergo, churches should have a relevant guy standing in front of relative strangers, talking about relevant sex positions.
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Or, maybe:
1) Sex is pretty dang interesting
2) We're pretty much not
3) "Church" = a guy standing in front of relative strangers, in a large lecture environment
Ergo, let's have a guy stand up and talk to relative strangers, in a large lecture environment, about masturbation and stuff.
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Or, maybe:
1) Christians have sex, too.
2) "Church" = a guy standing in front of relative strangers, in a large lecture envinroment
3) That guy really likes having sex
Ergo, let's have a guy stand up and talk to relative strangers, in a large lecture environment, about how he likes having sex, too.
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How about:
1) Sex is a gift from God, and a key part of our very nature
2) The church must teach about this
3) A large lecture format is hardly the best, most appropriate way to do this, given varied backgrounds, uncomfortabilities given people sitting next to strangers or opposite sex friends, very real likelihood of unresolved past/current abuse situations, etc.
Ergo, this may sound crazy, but church teaching doesn't require some guy standing up in front of relative strangers in a large lecture environment.
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